faiths grip

Matthew 27:27 Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the governor’s residence and gathered the whole cohort  around him. 27:28 They stripped him and put a scarlet robe  around him, 27:29 and after braiding  a crown of thorns,  they put it on his head. They  put a staff  in his right hand, and kneeling down before him, they mocked him:  “Hail, king of the Jews!” 27:30 They spat on him and took the staff and struck him repeatedly on the head. 27:31 When they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes back on him. Then  they led him away to crucify him.

Matthew 27:45  “Now from noon until three, darkness came over all the land. 27:46 At  about three o’clock Jesus shouted with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” When  some of the bystanders heard it, they said, “This man is calling for Elijah.” 27:48 Immediately  one of them ran and got a sponge, filled it with sour wine,  put it on a stick,  and gave it to him to drink. 27:49 But the rest said, “Leave him alone! Let’s see if Elijah will come to save him.”  27:50 Then Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and gave up his spirit.

After Jesus has been wrongly accused, scourged and beaten so that He is almost unrecognizable, the guards then took Him to the Preatorum and mocked Him  with about 600 of their buddies.  Can you taste the atmosphere of that moment?   They stripped Him of His clothing, dressed Him in their version of a royal robe.  They twisted thorn branches into a crown and shoved it into the flesh of His head.  They then topped off the ensemble with a staff as a royal diadem… and then the real fun began.  They then danced around Him, hailing Him as king, bowing to Him in mocking laughter.  They were drunk off the power and vile vengeance of victimizing this already beaten and bloodied man.  But they were not done.  They then hurled obscenities at Him, spat on Him and then they took the royal diadem and beat Him over the head with it, over and over again… Can you picture this scene? Can you see their teeth clenched,  their muscles flexed? Their sweat dripping from their brows from being all hopped up on wrath and wickedness? In this room the air is pregnant with testosterone gone wrong.  Mocking, vulgar words, obscenities and the vengeful raping of dignity became a sport.  Believe me, this kind of rape takes a long time… and it was not over quickly for our Lord.  He kneeled in that dark room surrounded by dark hearts until they were bored with Him.

At 9am these soldiers marched Jesus up a rocky hill and then nailed Him to a cross.  He was put up on display for the entire city to mock and gawk.  From 9am until noon, Jesus said few words, but all of them – every one of them, were not in regard to Himself, His suffering or His pain.  They were words for those in the crowd.  For those that tortured and beat Him, for His followers and for all of mankind.  All of us sinners, thieves and soldiers.

He stated first:  “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” Luke 23:34.  He stated second: “Today, you will be with me in Paradise” Luke 23:43            The He stated third:  “Woman, look here is your son” and then “Look here, is your mother”.

And as the clock ticked slowly by on this Good Friday, and struck high noon,  suddenly… “darkness fell over the land.”  This darkness was not a natural event.  This was not a slow-moving eclipse that fades the light to darkness.  This was the God and Creator of the universe who spoke, “Let there be light”, instantly, and without warning, turning the lights off and hiding the sun!  This darkness was deep… void of stars twinkling in the sky.  This was purposeful darkness, distinct and blinding darkness.  No longer could the crowd see Jesus or even one another.  This was the kind of darkness that brought terror.

…and the crowd that berated Him just moments ago, those that cursed and mocked Him, those that had violently beat Him… became silent.   Yes silent, until Jesus screamed ”My God, My God, why did you forsake me!”

From noon until 3pm Jesus takes on the wrath of God… and all of the sin of all human kind.  He bears in the darkness every last vile, perverse act; every little white lie, every ritualistic wrong, every sexual sin that has ever been known by man or will ever be known to man.  He allows Himself to be polluted and defiled in ways that we can’t even imagine.  Every last sin of mankind attacked Jesus with more vengeance than any one those soldiers could have ever dished out.   Jesus hangs in darkness separated from God… thirsty and left for dead.

I don’t know when the sun came back out that day.  What I do know is Jesus spoke a few last words.  “I am thirsty” and ”It is finished”.  He then bowed His head “and gave up His Spirit” (John 19:28-30).

Darkness is a funny thing.  It’s description is the absolute absence of light.  We have all been in darkness, havent we?  We have all executed dirty little deeds in the dark.  Even some of us have been ripped of innocence and defiled in the dark.  But no matter what we have done, nor what has been done to us, the truth is, we each could not stand in the presence of God and say “I’m totally innocent, you can’t hold one thing against me”.  We have all fallen short.  Each one of us have been rebellious, prideful, arrogant and have broken the laws of the Ten Commandments in some form or another.  And honestly, none of us can live up to law.  None of us could keep even one of those commandments for even one day …and God knew it.   So He made a way.  He had Jesus live up to law instead.

Jesus chose to walk in to the darkness that day, and satisfy the wrath of God that should have come full force to each one of us.  Jesus chose to stand in our place.  He chose the defilement, the wounds, the mocking and misery.

That day of darkness, that Good Friday, He carried our intended mean and wrongful actions towards one another.  He bore the things we are ashamed of.   He was wounded over and over again,  so that we could experience peace.

That is what happened in the darkness on that Good Friday… it is why we love Him so dearly.  It is why we write songs about Him.  It’s why we gather together and talk about Him.

He walked in to the death of darkness that Good Friday -  but He didn’t stay on that cross.  He defeated sin, death, the devil ….

…so look out world, ’cause Sunday is’a comin!

–References from the NET bible Environment.

JESUS+NOTHING=EVERYTHING By Tullian Tchividjian

This simple little review must begin with a confession.  First, I confess that this is not going to be a typical bloggers book review.  It is going to be a review of my experience as I walked through this book over the last two months (yes, you read it correctly two months).  If you read my first post, when I first received this book and began to read it, you’ll remember that I was desperate for this book.  I was desperate for a personal read from someone who was like me (a rule-keeper and steeped in legalism ), who had come from where I stood but had crossed over to a mighty truth, a mighty freedom.  I now blog from my personal experience as I have made it to the other side and I am still reeling and dripping in the awesome.

I must also ask for your forgiveness.  I have sat in front of this computer for over a week, trying to figure out how to explain just how this book has been used in my life.  So I ramble quite a bit in this article and I am sorry for that.

Jesus+Nothing=Everything has a 3 fold theme.  First it is Pastor Tullians account of his personal journey and revival in the saving grace of the gospel during a very hard time in his life.  Second it is a deep and revealing study into the book of Colossians and lastly, it is an identifying look at the law; at the “why” of our own hearts, and it is a guide to grace for those of us who have fallen into the bondage of moralism, performanceism and idol worship.  This is not all that this book is, there is more, but if I stated it all, then I would be writing a book instead of a blog.

Me? I’m a rule-keeper as confessed, also a performer, a people-pleaser, a legalist, and as naive as I am, I have come to discover that I am an idol worshiper.  “Lemme esplain, no - lemme sum up” (for those of you who don’t get it, it’s a Princess Bride quote).

This past summer I found myself in a cycle of self-condemnation that I could not get out of.  I studied the Word, I memorized scripture, I prayed.  But no matter what I did I could not live up to my own expectations as a good little Christian girl, nor could I change myself and make it all better.  I kept failing and failing and failing… and ultimately I became shackled to the notion that I would never measure up, that shame would always have its rule over me, that I would never be in ministry again, nor would I have an abundant life that so many Christian women authors were so wildly talking about.

What did I forget? Where did I go wrong?

I forgot the FINISHED work of Jesus for me.  Yes, for me personally.  I was however certain, that the Gospel was still well and alive for my non-believing friends.  However, I took my eyes off the cross of my Savior and had them focused in all the wrong places for a very long time.  That focus was on me…

On page 76 of this book…  truth, perspective and revelation came freshly once again: “And God said Tullian, in my beloved Son, you stand before me this very moment as cleansed, forgiven, purified.  Therefore, I will never, ever deal with you on the basis of your cleanliness or dirtiness – your goodness or badness – but on the basis of my Son’s FINISHED work on your behalf.”

I had forgotten the TRANSFER!  Colossians 1:12-14 “giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed [us] into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, [fn] the forgiveness of sins”.  (blueletterbible.com)

The Greek word for “conveyed” is “methistēmi.”  It means: “to transpose”, “TRANSFER”, “remove from one place to another”.

I had forgotten that the Gospel of grace was for me, today – and everyday.  That I had already been transferred from darkness to light, from bad to good, from condemned to justified.  That I could do nothing in and of myself, that there no longer needed to be any “add-ons” to my faith as Pastor Tullian puts it.  There is no system of rules or laws that I could implement or follow to change the shame I had been shackled to.  In the words of Jesus “It is finished”.  I had already been transferred by the precious blood sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus.  I NOW stand JUSTIFIED before God’s judgements through Him.

Somehow I had gotten lost in my own “self-established standards and rules” during my walk.  I had become a legalist.  And why not? As Pastor Tullian puts it “Legalism feeds our natural pride – and it’s attractive because it becomes all about us”.

I had fed myself daily on pastors and teachers that taught a “Christian moral renovation”.  Teachers of the “self-help” world.  And those teachings were putting all the burden for change on me - “and not teaching what Christ had already done”.  Pastor Tullian states this: “To focus on how I’m doing, more than on what Christ has already done, is Christian narcissism – the poison of self-absorption which undermines the power of the gospel in our lives”.

I am not slamming these pastors or teachers.  I am merely explaining how I got off the path of the gospel and became a prisoner of shame, self-absorption and ultimately legalism.  I realize now that the Christian “self-help” teachers I was listening to, became the tone of my own Bible reading as well.  When I was reading Paul’s instructions to the church, my focus was not reading through the lens of the grace of the Gospel, but through the lens of legalism.  My focus of the scripture was all steeped in my own power for change, dependant on my own strength and not in the power of the Holy Spirit.  It was also steeped in fear, for not measuring up.

The truth is, I was never good.  I never have been.  But I was trying to be good in my own strength.  I was born with the cancer of sin just like everyone else and only Jesus holds the cure.  Not only does Jesus hold the cure, but He has already imparted His strength and power and His goodness to me so that I may live and walk in this life.

It was not as if I completely strayed from the Gospel of Jesus’ grace.  I did pull it out every once in a while, I did stand on it every once in a while.  My problem was that I didn’t see the Gospel as “everything”.  It was not big enough, deep enough and constant enough in my sight and mind.  The Gospel is God’s crescendo in His symphonic masterpiece of this planet’s song.  I just got lost and distracted in the “add-0ns” while I was looking at myself to perform the right way.  In adding on to the gospel in my own walk, I became a prisoner.

I have spent just over two months with this book.  I have sipped it slowly, allowing God to work grace back in to me.  It has helped me become more free.  The shackles of shame have fallen off, self-condemnation has been replaced with celebration.  I am along with Pastor Tullian celebrating the gift of grace and the amazing depth of the gospel.  I have re-read chapters of this book, I have been spurred on to study Colossians again with brand new, grace filled eyes.  My worship has changed and my prayer life has changed dramatically as well.  I feel as if I have received new eyes and had one huge grace awakening like never before.  The word “justified” has become my new favorite word.

“The word “Justified” in Paul’s usage means to be counted righteous by God.  “Therefore when Christ lived a perfect life, in God’s sight we lived a perfect life.  When Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins we died on the cross… we are forever right with God”, states Pastor Tullian.

The vast reaches of justification through the shed blood and resurrection of Jesus to me at this point are unfathomable.  This deep mystery before me is once again brand new and the excitement I feel about the new discoveries that lie ahead, has me reeling with anticipation.

Also, I am feeling a bit naked these days.  I am daily being stripped of thought patterns and self-talk that has caused self-focused, self-worshipping behaviors that are just ugly.  Even though I am naked, I am certainly not ashamed.  I am learning to love that I am weak, because in my weakness, He is strong.  My self-imposed rules and regulations are daily being exposed and dealt with by my loving Lord.

A silly little example of my stripping is this:  One of my idols is safety.  Safety for myself, my daughter and my family in general.  I worship it, I desire it (and yes, even more than I desire God, which makes it an idol).  Yes, I want it, bad.   And throughout my day I catch myself directing God to keep us all safe.  I want my daughter safe while she is walking to her friends house, to keep us safe in our travels, to keep our home safe from predators, - I mean it goes on and on ALL day!  I caught myself the other day while we were traveling home to New York from California.  We were about to hit a snow storm and the thought entered my mind “I better get my life right with God before we hit the road, so we can be safe”.  – THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT THOUGHT!  I won’t over analyze for you – but immediately the Holy Spirit corrected me and a new thought came “I am justified by Christ.  I am right before the Father, because of Christ here and now”.  No matter how much I repent (though repentance is good), no matter how good I try to make myself look to God  – my life is in Christ’s grip. He holds my future, my past and no matter how many pissy moments I have had in that last hour prior to driving in that snow storm, would not have changed how He loves me, how He sees me or how secure we would be on that drive home.

I am so grateful for this book.  God used it to open my eyes, to free me and I am being changed…

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit constantly reminds me of this precious equation:           Jesus + Nothing = Everything.

Just Jesus.  Just the Gospel.  No “add-ons”, no Jesus plus Christian “self-help” tactics, no rules, no regulations that manipulate God to give me safety.

Just Jesus.

Because He is the Everything.

Romans 3:23-26

Hillsong – Everlasting…“Everlasting”…

PART 1:  JUST MY INTRO AND WHY I WANTED THIS BOOK SO BADLY! I have been so excited to read the book “Jesus+Nothing=Everything” by Tullian Tchividjian (pronounced cha-vi-jin).  Well, not really excited, more like hungry, more like starving to read this book.  ”Why?” you might ask?  Well, that is the reason for this introduction.  Please read on.

I first became aware of Pastor Tchividjian on October 11, 2011 at 9:00am when I was reading through my Twitter feed and he came up with a link to his blog at The Gospel Coalition website.  I will never forget his blog posted that day.  The title of the blog was “Grace Without Buts And Brakes”.  I finished reading that blog and found my mouth wide open, jaw dropped and in shock… I posted that blog to my Facebook page at exactly 9:08 am while still in a complete stooper and these are the words I wrote with that post: “I am completely convinced that I STILL do not fully understand grace.  Nor do I fully walk in it…but oh, how I want to….” I have walked with Lord for over 27 years, I have studied the Word and taught the Word to others…and I still don’t get it.

CONFESSION (forgive all the misspelled “self” words, I used them for effect):  Here’s the deal.  I am a rule-keeper.  In fact, I create and make my own rules and also dish them out to others very easily.  In fact, I’m great at it!  With rules one can know where to walk within boundaries that are safe.  Following the law is easy, comfortable, and i like it.  I am also a self-convictor, self-assessor, self-litigator, self-reliant and a self-condemer.  Not am I only all of those things, but my mind is so fast that it can think ahead of everyone else and zip out strategies for problems that arise along my way (and for others).  In fact, I solve problems like a super-hero crime fighter – and oh how I love the acceptance it brings me from others, especially when it comes from a high-powered music executive (ewww, let’s add self-pride to the list).  Now as a Celebrity Personal Assistant, ruling the empires of the rich and famous, those “self” qualities make me a specialist in my field.  But in the Kingdom of God? Well, frankly, they make me a god in and over my own life, a rule-keeper and lover of acceptance of others who is bound in the chains of slavery.  The truth is, I am exhausted living this way.

The above was my self-assessment that morning.  I was dripping with conviction.  But rather than spiraling in to a downward cycle of self-condemnation, I got hungry… really hungry, starving!  I found myself completely unsatisfied with another bought of self-condemnation.  I wanted grace!  I wanted to stand in a place where I was bathed in the truth, that because of MY Jesus and HIS sacrifice for me, God did not love me anymore or any less — He just loved me.  I cannot be satisfied with only knowing the Lord by the rules, the rhetoric, the rituals!  I WANT HIM.  I want His unfathomable love in me, through me, filling me, overflowing and bursting out of me!

The reason I wanted the book?  Because I knew I needed an explanation of grace from a personal perspective.  I needed to see grace move from this authors head, straight down to his heart.  I wanted to see Tchividjian’s revelation of the gospel of Christ and watch him come out on the other side, eyes wide open, heart changed, and blown away by the revelation of Jesus+Nothing=Everything!

I am only on page 27 of this book.  And, as i turn each page, my excitement for the Lord to continue to speak to me grows and grows.  Here is a quote from page 23:

“I was being challenged by God to more fully understand exactly what I already had in Christ.  For far longer than I recognized, I had been depending on the endorsement of others to validate me-to make me feel that I mattered. God began rescuing me from that slavery by forcing me to rediscover the gospel. I was learning the hard way that the gospel alone can free us from addiction to being liked-that Jesus measured up for us so that we wouldn’t have to live under the enslaving pressure of measuring up for others. His good news met me in my dark place, at my deepest need.  Through his liberating word, I was being transformed, freed, refreshed. I started learning to see the many-faceted dimensions of the gospel in a more dazzling way…”

Jesus+Nothing=Everything by Tullian Tchividjian.  Follow the link to the first blog I read regarding this teacher.  ”Grace Without Buts And Breaks”